Tuesday News & Poetry

Everything happens for a reason and sometimes I wish I knew why. I have had a string of bad luck lately and I wish Karma would just leave me alone and go pick on someone else for awhile.

It all started back on October 23rd when we had hurricane winds come through Montana and knocked out out power. We were out of power for 10 hours before they finally removed the downed trees and fixed the lines. On October 24th, was a great day. We got our new member of our family Savage Kitty. He is just a teen with white paws and black. He has the most adorable face with huge long whiskers around his nose and eyes. He was saved from the kill list. He had a bad upper respiratory infection and one eye was pretty infected. I thought couple times we were going to end up with a one eyed cat, but it has all cleared and he is perfect for our family. We got Savage for Hayden in hopes it would pull him through his rough patches.

On October 24th & 25th, I started writing for my book 2 of It’s Now My Time and I averaged 7, 000 words in two days. I was pretty excited, then October 26th, we woke to NO internet. Somehow there was a mistake with my bill and they temporarily shut us off….UGH!!

October 30th we had our internet back on and we were sitting around watching WWE and I hadn’t been on my computer all day. It started getting late and I was tired so I headed off to bed and turned on my laptop and BAMMM!! It crashed!!! I was so shocked and stunned I just sat there staring at it!! Then it hit me…. MY FILES!! KayCee tried everything she could do to recover them herself and through the company, but she had no luck. But she did manage to find all my files between her laptop and her brothers, plus through all the emails we had sent back in forth in regards to my books and poetry.

After that week, I had sunk into a very deep depression and I am still fighting it. There is nothing worse than losing 11 years of writing. I try to pick myself up and move throughout my days in a slow shadow of human existence and I have my highs then they are followed with lows. I think what hurt the most is that they company could have gave me the option to recover my files but they didn’t. And losing 7,000 words to book 2 struck the dagger even further into my heart.

So the first rolled on by and it started looking okay, well… I judged to quickly, I was pretty will back to square one in fighting my depression. Well, during this time, I had still been trying to work and get two books published, 25 Days of Christmas Poetry which I had previously published under my old pen name Jeniann and my brand new poetry book Inklings of Ink.  Then shit really started to boil over and KARMA really kicked me in the ass yesterday when I received an email from Pronoun stating they were shutting down and we, the authors, of Pronoun had until January to transfer our books to another platform!!! WTF!!! Now, what I am supposed to do??????? NOW, I am OUT of a PUBLISHER… well, FUCK ME, KARMA!!

I don’t know what I did to get KARMA against me. My daughter KayCee keeps telling me it is because we got a black cat.

I don’t know what I am to do so over the next few days I will be on a mini vacation. I am retreating away for a meditation, prayer and writing camp to let KARMA and the higher spirits talk to me and show me the direction I am supposed to be moving in.

If you would like to take advantage and download one of my books:

Illusions of Love

She’s Gone

Only If I Could

Words Whisper to Me

Wasted

Poetry Playground

Tequila River

Is Graffiti Art?

25 Days of Christmas Poetry

 

POETRY

Inklings of Ink 

Poem 1

She’s out of words

Tonight, for her heart is broken

 &

the tears won’t fall

So, she leaves you this

Pen & paper

In hopes

You will want her

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Poem 2

You

I

Rule the UNIVERSE

Of such

CREATIVITY

WE shook the moon

WE made the stars implode

By our inklings

Down by the waterfalls

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Poem 3

Searching my path

Through the journeys

Of a writer

I have my faults

And

My talents

Nature hears my pain

And

Sees me shine…

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You

I remember the day we first met

All those years ago

You were a man of your words

And I was an empty shell

But with each passing visit

My shell slowly fell

You made me feel worthy

And you stood by me

Through it all

You never left my side

You made me feel like I was unstoppable

With your encouragement

And

Allowing me to see your beautiful soul

I saw something I wished I never had, but

I took it off cruise control

For I couldn’t wait any longer

For you

I said the words first

And you turned and ran

I was left standing there

Heartbroken and devastated

That I had lost you forever

I couldn’t let you go, so

I stood and fought for you

Harder than I ever fought before

And still your ego and the lies

That you told yourself

Broke you and me into two

Instead of molding us as one

Now here I sit

A hundred miles away

 And

All I still dream of is you

Like a haunting past

Keeps flashing before me

And all I still want is to say

I am sorry forever loving you

Sorry that I wasn’t pretty enough

Or smart enough

Sorry I was too independent

And strong

Sorry I wasn’t the kind of lady

You deserved so much

Sorry that I loved you so deeply

Sorry that I chased you away

Sorry that I never got to

Lay in your arms late at night

Sorry that I wasn’t good enough

To wake up to in the morning light

I am sorry … you were ever hurt

 By my words of love

I guess my love was too powerful

For your beautiful soul to see

We were really meant to be.

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Yellow Lilies

Yellow lilies

Of the field

Dance upon

The grassy ground

Windblown and sun-baked

With the yellow lilies

Reflecting in her eyes

She reaches for her pen

To write of words

In different worlds

Which she only understands

The poet in her

Must escape

Into the light

Of life…

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